LIFE

Recently I've been feeling like my life's not on track and I know it's probably not where it should be, but it's a work in progress. I've been battling with a lot of things in just my own life and it's hard because you repent and try to move on, but it's like you can't forget about it and just move on! Or at least for me it is!! I know I've tried so many times and it's like I finally get in a good part of my life and I know where I'm supposed to be going and then I mess up and fall. I often times think though it's because I suspect it is going to happen and then it's like I let it happen! I just have to put my foot down and when something creeps in just pray and just get back to the closeness that I once had with Him. This past year has been so draining, and I've felt it since probably April. My senior year was coming to a wrap, and it was like everything was coming undone. I was interning and a lot of people were saying some hurtful things about me and then I started rethinking my calling, until the point where I had a major breakdown. It's like that all the time, over time I just let everything build up until I explode and have a major break down. It stinks and most times I don't know it's happening until it's too late and I'm starting to breakdown. 

The worst one so far was probably the night before I was supposed to leave for CBC, my dad and I were packing up my car because I was going to drive out there myself and I was saying good bye to him that night. Everything was packed in boxes and we were loading it up and I still had like a couple of bags of clothes that I needed and it just wasn't fitting and I finally broke down and told my mom everything that I was feeling and what was going on. Everyday I try to make an effort and so does she to talk about it and to just have a conversation about our days, and for now it is really helping, but I've been thinking about next semester and not having that. I think I'm going to be making a lot of calls home and talking to her probably everyday!! Or at least emailing her. I really appreciate my mom and my family in general and I couldn't ask for any other, yeah at times we may have our differences, but what family doesn't. We talk about it and get through it and move on. They are so supportive and that's what I need right now and I just need to trust God and just get closer to Him again and get back to where I was. It's going to be hard, but so worth it in the end and I'm ready and willing right now!! I just need to stay focused on Him and keep on trucking and believing!! Well time to head to slumbertown because tomorrow is a very busy day. 1. I have to get up at like 3:3o to take my dad to work, 2. I'm having lunch with my high school Spanish teacher, Senora Skinner, 3. I have an interview with Target about a job, 4. I'm helping my friend, Shaynia with my old cheerleading team with practice for the upcoming parade next Tuesday!! So busy, busy, busy....I'm just glad I had a nice night, I went to Starbucks with my friend since 3rd grade, Sarah, to just chat and catch up and we are in the same boat. We are both leaving for college in January, and we are only like 3-6 hours apart how cool is that. We are both going to bible colleges and loving the Lord, but we both need to get our closeness back!! Well anyway good night to all.... :D