Now The Goose Is On The Table...

I love this time of year, I really do, but I could really do without the added stress of everything! Tonight I spent the evening cleaning and getting my room ready for my grandparents to come down from Massachusetts. Every year since we moved into our house they have spend with us and as usual I have to give up my room and make the living room or basement my room for the next couple of days! My Nona likes to clean your house and move things around and not tell you where she put everything, because half the time she forgets, but you don't end up finding it until the next year and the item(s) go missing all over again! So if you want to know where your stuff is you have to hide it from her or give her something to do so she doesn't reorganize your house!! I miss my grandparents so much and I just love talking to them because they are a riot and you always learn something from them, whether it be history or a life lesson it somehow applies to your life!! My Nona was born in Italy and lived there until she was two years old. Her father was a shoe peddler and had come to America to help his children and he left his family behind in order to do so. My Poppy was born in Brooklyn and his grandmother was a bootlegger!! I remember all the stories from them and you never can get enough of them. The best story was how they met, I won't bore you with details but in order for my Poppy to marry my Nona he had to learn Italian and speak it with her father. They have been married for 52 years and are still in love today as they were when they first met! I hope to have a marriage like that someday, but for now I just want to start my life!! I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow, I work from 10-4 and when I get off they should be here!! I'll fill you in with all the details of my eventful weekend!! God bless and goodnight!! 

Silly Willy

Today has been another eventful day to say the least. I got up this morning at seven and got ready and out the door to work I went. It's nice and weird having a job where the hours are crazy jumbled, but fun because I get to work with some really cool people. The only bad part about it is that I have to work 5:45 a.m-2:15 p.m. on Black Friday and that means I have to be up at like 4 to leave on time and be to work by like 5:20-30, that way I can park in our spots. I'm just bumming it as much as humanly possible!!! Maybe I'll take dad to work and then leave right after I drop him off. Tomorrow should be a fun day, I have work from 12-4 and then I'm going to help Sarah with her church function and I have to meet her at 5. 

I'm still so excited about next semester and I'm just counting down the days...42 days and counting!!! I'm talking to a lot of people from our church that are out there, some of which I usually don't get along with so it's a little weird talking to them. I think God put them into my life right now for reason and I'm not going to question Him, but I think it's a little strange!! Besides the point I was looking up some cool quotes about the Bible and I found this really cool one from C.S. Lewis and it goes "In most parts of the Bible, everything is implicitly or explicitly introduced with "Thus saith the Lord". It is... not merely a sacred book but a book so remorselessly and continuously sacred that it does not invite -- it excludes or repels -- the merely aesthetic approach. You can read it as literature only by a tour de force... It demands incessantly to be taken on its own terms: it will not continue to give literary delight very long, except to those who go to it for something quite different. I predict that it will in the future be read, as it always has been read, almost exclusively by Christians."  I thought it was really good and I figured I would share....Enjoy and my God truly bless your life! 

It's My Reason To Live....

Reason to Live and Scream by Zoegirl are probably the best songs that describe my life right about now!! They just describes everything that I'm going through and feeling right about now. Today was a good day in comparison to what I've been feeling lately. I got to sleep in for the second day in a row, and then I just started class, but unfortnely that didn't last long. I found this game that I used to play in like 10th grade in my one business class. I was bored out of my tree that day and it was the only thing that the school district didn't block. It's Spongebob SquarePants Collopse game and I've fallen in love with it! I get up to Level 10 and then everything ends. I could play  that game all day long and not get past level 10, but not get tired of it, which is pretty sad!! That's besides the point, so I played that for a couple of hours, when I got a call from my best friend since like 4th grade. We are both leaving next semester for our new homes out in Kentucky and Missouri for the next 5 months. We went to dinner and as usual I was late because I wasn't ready in time and I ended up leaving my house at like 5, when it takes me about half an hour to get anywhere from our house! So we met and I tell her that my whole next semester was paid for and she tells me that she got her whole schedule with all the classes that she wanted, so it was more of a celebration between us! I love those days. We planned that I was going to pick her up for breaks or I would visit her or she would come visit me! Since we are only about 3 hours apart, and it would be a sin if we didn't!! She is my best friend and sister and I'm so grateful to have her in my life everyday! We get each other and complete each other! I end my night on a good note and it feels good to be going to bed early today instead of the 2:15 that I went to bed last night at!! Now work tomorrow morning and then start cleaning for my Nona and Poppy who come down next week!! AHHH what a crazy life

Grace like Rain falls down on me....

Today I had a really great thing happen and yet a bigger bad one, if that makes any sense. I found out that I got the rest of my semester taken care of except for maybe a book or two, which I am perfectly fine with! I talked to my counselor about it and everything is taken care of when I get out there. The bad part of my day was getting into a disagreement with both my parents!! I had finally found my peace about everything and then that happens like always and it sets me back and hurts. I know where I'm supposed to be and God confirmed it all today, but these next couple of weeks is going to be challenging and going to be rocky!! I just have to pack up my computer/desk stuff, and my clothes that I'm taking out there!! Before I do anything though I have to find a newer car that way I can actually get out there in one piece and actually have a car!! You probably will be hearing from me a lot more. It's just I don't know if I should blog everyday or every couple of days or once a week! I feel that if I would blog everyday then I would only have little paragraphs, but that would be easy reading and quick and simple...okay maybe that's what I will do!! I'm still unsure, but we'll see. If I feel like I can't do the once a day thing then I'll switch back!! Right now though I'm just glad to see God's hand in all this and I'm just glad I can feel Him near again. Not as close as I once felt, but it's going to take time and I'm ready for it!! Patience young grasshopper! It reminds me of a song from the Music Train CD we have and it goes "have patience, have patience don't be in such a hurry" I have to look up the rest of the lyrics, but when I feel I need patience I just listen to that song and it helps so much...I think I'm going to be needing to listen to that song these next couple of weeks!! 

Let's take that road before...

I have been doing a lot of think lately and right now I finally feel like my life is back to normal, or what seems like normal in comparison to the hectic life I've been having recently!! I just couldn't get my life to settle down and this past week has been a real humbling experience!!! I have just been really struggling with a ton of stuff and then on top of it there was school work that I was doing from like 5-12 each night because I worked from 8-4, I didn't have time for my family or friends and I was hearing about it!!! I have no money until Friday when I get paid and I was trying to scrap up some change for gas money, which the only people who didn't mind to get change was the Hess at the Yocumtown exit!!! On Saturday I had to work from 8-4 and my gas light was blinking on the way up to work. All I could do was pray and I just layed it all out before God and I just prayed that He would just get me to work and then I could call mom and see if she could run me up a couple more dollars. You have to understand that I have a 1986 Chevy Cavalier and it is a gas hog in every way!!! That is besides the point! I called my mom's cell and of course it had died and so I left a message for her, which she never got until today!! So the whole way home I just prayed that God would give me enough gas to get home and I just sang worship songs all the way home. God provide as usual!! 

So to say the least I have been humbled!! I don't know but sometimes I, and I think everyone has these moments, but I just need to be humbled! I hate that it takes something so extreme for me, and that's always something I've struggled with! I just start doubting and I just suffer more and more each time it happens!! It takes that much more to get back to where I was... It hurts and I'm so tired of it and I know that I can't do that in the missions field because the devil will take full advantage of that and I'm just hoping that CBC will teach me and prove to me that there is no reason to doubt! I mean I know there is no reason to but I just hope it teaches me to just be so much stronger and I'm pretty sure it will!! But for right now it's just hard being home and all knowing that I'm not supposed to be home, but I know this was where I was supposed to be!! I just can't wait for January!! And it can't get here soon enough... 

Yellow...really?

The last couple of days have been very trying, crazy, hectic, and eventful to say the least! I started my new job at Target, I voted in my first election, found out some crazy news, classes, and dealing with my life as an 18 year old girl!!! I don't think the next 56 days is going to be any easier!!! Where to start is the next question!! Work: work it fun and I love my job so much. It was definitely a blessing from the Lord. I can save up again for my trip out to Missouri and hopefully a couple of months to get on my feet again!! I got a letter from my college saying that my first part of my loan has gone through and so it just gives me some peace. Next the election: although it is not the candidate I would have liked to see have won, God sets things in motion and He knows what the future holds. I'm just glad I don't have to know, but just like everyone else I want to know, so I know how to get there and what to avoid!! Then my old youth pastor and his family left for Greece this week and it's so bittersweet. I love our new youth pastor and I know God put him there for a reason and it's for Frequency to grow, but I'm so glad for P.Tone and Jamie for their next step in life. Then there is my classes that I have to deal with on a daily basis, but recently it's been getting a lot harder to juggle work and school and then just life with my friends and family. It's hard and it's sometimes like my parents don't care. I know they do and they want me to work for everything and to go where God is leading, but right now I wish I could just have more support. Finally we hit the life of a 18 year old girl. I'm not going into any specific details, but it's hard!!! It's hard to stay focused and it's harder to just stay close to God and have to live in this world!!! I personally think it would have been easier if I would have lived in the 20's or 30's!! Yeah everything was planned for you, but you didn't have everything that this life carries and puts on you! I don't know, sometimes I think that and then other times I'm just thankful I live in the century and time period I do!!! It's just crazy right now and I know Ski Round Top opens soon and that's another job!! I'm not going to have any life once that starts!!! Is this the rest of my life?? I wish there was just some time where I could relax and just catch my breath or get away, whether it's just me or it's me and the girls!!! I just need something or some kind of encouragement!! I need some support and lovings right now!!! I know this probably sounds depressing but it's just a hard adjustment right now!!! I worked two jobs this summer, which was easy, but I didn't have to juggle with my classes and I had time to spend with the girls!! It's just crazy and I want to be able to enjoy life right now, while I still can!!! 

Why?

Recently I've noticed that every time I get in the swing and get back to where I need to be something goes wrong and then I don't know where I am any more....Today I just got some information from my brother that shook my world and I just don't know what to do!!! I had finally heard from God and I'm getting everything ready and to get that news from my brother, who is my best friend, but I just makes me ask why?!

I know that God has His own ways and does things that are mysterious and we never know what exactly He is doing, but we know that if we stay with Him and just trust in Him, He will prove himself faithful to us and will show how great He is....It's just hard in moments like these, when you finally found that green patch and then it's almost like your world just falls apart again. I know it's not my life it's his and he made the decisions, but it just hurts because he is my best friend and I don't want the same things that happen to us to happen to him. Yeah I have an amazing father who loves me and who took care of me, but still I don't want my brother to do the same thing that my dad did to us!!! Right now I just have to be supportive and just be there for him...and God will show himself faithful as usual. It's just hard and you re question yourself and every decision you make, to see if it's really the right one and in the end you just have to have a peace and just know that it was God who made the decision He just needs you to follow Him and just trust in Him and He'll see you throw it, ALWAYS!!! Peace, love and harmony....God bless!!